Extreme emotions.

Today was parkour day, a day of which I always look forward to. My favorite sport, my favorite challenge.
Today I was high on my own "ego", I was very proud that I can almost do a kong, if I can just lift up my hips a tad more and add more strength to my arms and I'll be flying for some sweet seconds.

Today was also a big challenge for me because no way was I gonna skip the right side lazy that before I used to do well and these last couple of times was unable, physically and emotionally... but this time, I did it. Some interesting things went through my mind while I tried to set my mind straight to do the fucking lazy, some of those thoughts where:

1. What is stopping me from doing this?
2. Don't me scared! If I'm not scared, I won't fall.
3. How is that I feel incapable of doing a lazy with right side rather than my left? (I've always been stronger on my right side...)
4. Is it because of the social pressure that I'm not able to do this?
5. I feel strong, do it now!... Fuck!! It's gone. Why so fast?
6. I don't want to be afraid, and not because of this, I mean life wise. I knew I was getting a tad scared for school already but didn't think it could be that what was making me weaker at this point.

So yeah, it took me a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time, and I hate that, but I was very glad that I had all these people around me (the group) because they believed that I could do it and so did I! But there was my other side that kept on saying "Your knee is gonna hit" and finally, I didn't allow that.
I did it! hahahaha, and I was very happy for it.

Made me realize that you should trust yourself, no matter what and teachers (at least here in Mexico) always told us "you shouldn't trust yourself"= No te confies. And listening to that, year after year makes you truly think that you shouldn't trust yourself because things will go wrong. Well, those son's of a bitche's teachers are wrong, we are the only ones that can trust ourselves fully, we are the ones to judge ourselves and we are the ones to do the action, not someone else do it for us.

And so, that was my high of the until I got to my car and realized this (as I was looking in it):
1. I have my keys in my hand and am about to put the key in.
2. Something was off, I saw my umbrella in my seat and I think to myself "Who put that there?"
3. I look at the doors from the other side and notice that both locks are opened.
4. I realize that my car is messed up.
5. I see that my radio isn't there anymore... I am freaking out already.
6. I cry, my CD of Pain of Salvation was in there.
7. I call my two friends that where with me and yelling "I was robbed!"

Oh yes... I cursed until my mouth was tired, I cried until my head hurt, I showered until I was tired of it.

The thing that most got me sad and angry was the fact that I put the CD in this morning when it wasn't in it this morning. I just HAD to put it in. And I admit, that CD was the best thing I have ever gotten, my best friend gave it to me after his trip to Vancouver, after waiting for him night's after night's and day's after day's until we finally meet. It meant so much to me, everything he gave me, but even more the CD by the fact that he recommended me to listen to them in my recent break up and those songs and him, pulled me through. I thank, though, that I was safe and nothing had happened to me and good thing I didn't have anything "cool" in my car. I had taken out my GPS because it wasn't working, my iPod because it needed to charge, my change is always under my matt and good thing I didn't write down any telephone numbers, and the whole address, it would usually be just the number, or the beginning of the letter of a street because like that I would remember, didn't write down any delegation name, but still... it's my friends safety and they should know what happened so that they can just be alerted a little bit. My name wasn't written anywhere to be seen, which was good, not even in my address book so, they honestly can't do much. I had about 8 people in there... though, I do feel very guilty, still, by not taking out the damn book when I had it in mind and I was fucking lazy to walk to my car.

As my dad say's, it's happened to SOOOOOOOOOOOO many people, but that now I'll be extra precocious with the things that I bring in, leave inside and take with me.

But still am kicking myself by putting that CD in, I hate myself so much, and I knew!! I knew I shouldn't have insisted with the CD, my body was telling me and I always reject that other sense of me. I shouldn't.

And so... this has led me to think that I should really get out of here, ASAP. The sad part is that I had hopes for Mexico, I really did, but today it was taken away from me, completely.

I'll have to start getting in contact with FIT and Parsons University because I won't tolerate this. There's no respect in Mexico and I can't live like that.

I'm sorry, Mexico, but my time here is soon to be over.

P.S. Just checked my forum, vented with 'em and someone answered this back to me:
"Happened to me on plenty occasions, Robbed, vandalized, Robbed, Burglarized....list goes on & on and I live in the City of Brotherly Love?? So vent you may but don't let it get you down! It can always be worse and yes it's easy for me too say but you could of came out to an empty space where your car once was! Terrible terrible feeling trust me! Hope everything works out just put the pieces back one at a time...one day at a time people will be people no matter what the race. The melting pot gets thicker but at the end of the day its just the same ole soup warmed over."


I think it's the best thing someone has told me today :)