People actually don't change.

I've been surrounded by many people now in days that are going through break ups and divorces, and these divorces are from people that I least expected.

I thought people changed, but it's just from the outside and it really doesn't affect them from the inside. People grew in a certain way because of the primary's that they have set upon themselves and that stays in you, never moves and it will remain until the day you die. They're exceptions, though, it would have to be such a hard and rough experience that not even you can take yourself the way you are, you can't live with you're own hypocrisy, feelings, thoughts, everything!

The reason I touch this subject it's because those people that I least expected that would get a divorce made me think why is it that they couldn't take it anymore? Didn't they both change and grow as time went by for their relationship to grow?... Some people just knew that their partner just wouldn't change, and even I know that feeling.

I remember in my past relationship, my ex kept on saying that he would change, he promised, he swore and I believed it, but it only last's for only a few weeks. For two people to come in union they must have a common primary, I don't know what those my be, but that's what I have learned and that's the hardest part when you are looking for a committed relationship, those who don't look for a committed relationships look for any kind of people, just as long as they have someone with them.

I know that I'll never change my mind in the fact that I want someone to hold me, to protect me, to share my same future ideals; family. I was born into a world where family is number one on the list and that's how I think... I give a lot and don't ask for anything back, even though sometimes, inside, I beg for something in return, but I don't always get it. It's not in me to claim for something in return, I don't know if that's right or wrong but it's simply the way I am. I know that when I give I'll have something in return, eventually.
Sometimes I don't understand why I'm treated in certain ways with certain people, I just want to give, share what I have in me and only ask in return a small piece from them, but for some it's too much to ask for... As cheesy it may sound, I'm bound to starve for love with whom ever. I have this feeling me that I can't even describe or even put it in words, it's so hard but every time I think of my idea of love I crave for it, I try to have it, I look for it... I neeeeeeed it.

... I hate thinking and feeling that I just won't get that anytime soon. I hope my idea of love exists in someone else whom I can share it with, because it's beautiful.

I must wait, patiently. I'm only 19! And as much as I hate it when adults tell me to just get wild and have fun and not have any serious relationships, I should. Though, I still won't understand how is it that my mom met my dad at my age and married 3 years latter after coming out of a 3 year relationship with an ex boyfriend.

I hate to even admit this but, I miss going out to dinner, dress up nice, feel like there was nothing else in the world but only two people, the candles, music in the background... The good things, the most memorable times of my life I'll be looking for, I won't look for the same person, but yes someone that shares my common interests.

Oh man, what one situation can make you think of.

I know I'm young to think this, and for sure it's even stupid what I'm writing, but it's the closest you can get to a young adults thoughts, at lest mine. I don't like keeping secrets, I really don't. It poisons me in a way.

Oh well, my fellow readers, I am off to bed because in 8 hours I must wake up to do parkour. I missed one week and I already feel weaker... not cool.