I am soon to be a collage student, something I always did look forward too, I always saw it as something where you can finally start living your life the way you want to and visualize even more living on your own.
It's scary right now for me, I'm a noob, but I know that when ever someone faces a fear and defeat's it they can pretty much conquer what comes along the way, as long as they are persistent and know what they want.
It wasn't till a couple of days when I realized it, that collage was just 3 weeks away to start, someone at campus sent me an email letting me know so I wouldn't forget to go the first days of introduction. It hit me so hard that I felt the need of wishing everyone in my generation a fare well and good luck and to new beginnings. For some it touched them deeply and for others it was just some more bullshit coming out of my brain, but it was something I needed to share with them because I know I'm not the only one feeling like this; many are nervous and excited at the very same time, some are staying and some are leaving or have left already...
The course of our lives are changing, some people will keep on seeing each other, some will soon be forgotten and some will see each other as different people and they'll either get along or stop seeing each other.
I've been waiting for a change of wind for a very long time now and now I can finally feel it. New friends, new teachers, new zone, new party's, new interests... I'll be molding the new me, or more likely, the ideal of being me. I know I'll have a fanta-bulous time at this collage, despite the fact that for the first time I'll be with only girls -and maybe some boys, but what boy is straight studying fashion design? No one- and I usually hate being around girls all the time, way too much drama for me... but I'll do my very best to tough 'em up, I don't wanna deal with kittens all the time. A breath of fresh air would do good once in a blue moon.
I'll be studying in Mexico, at Jannett Kleins Fashion Design Campus and Merchandising, it's 4 1/2 years the whole career with 3 degrees; Fashion Design, Merchandising and Art History. They have an exchange student program to various places and it would be a semester-long the exchange. Sadly, they don't have an exchange program in NY, I would have been so happy if it where any collage of fashion design, even if it wasn't what I really wanted. NY is my place to be, a place where I know I will grow, be dependent and have my own place.
The mere thought of all this makes me so happy and free. Not to be rude, at all, but I do need to be away from my dad more than anything. I love him, but he doesn't get it when I want to explore, be ME. I keep on telling him that he won't be able to be with me or protect me forever, one day I'll have to leave because, I don't know, maybe for a job opportunity, a collage to be in, and he won't be there to "protect" me, and I have to start getting used to that. I hope my dad can understand that soon... though *sigh* I doubt it.
Everything is moving so fast. The best thing for me right now is that I'm blind spotted to my future right now, not that I ever knew to predict the future, but I always had a certain vision of it and now, the only thing I have in vision as something clear is my career. I just know I'll be huge at it, but that's it, nothing more. I don't see a boyfriend, really, and I don't think I would be ready for one... I've grown vulnerable and afraid to love and commitment, I've wrapped myself in an awkward cocoon, I'll let myself be touched by someone else and what not, but... just thinking of a relationship right now scares me. I'm a person who wants someone with me, preferably a boy, a woman know exactly what I'm going through all the time and I wouldn't like that, to be honest, there's like no privacy in that way. Hmmm, I think I may have hit the nail of why women like to be with men... though, what's left of straight women of course, hahaha. It could be very much that, the privacy that we are able to have around a man is great, not someone who knows exactly where the hell you're going through and I don't know about other women out there but I sure as hell hate when someone is always guessing what is wrong with me and a man (usually) won't really care unless you say it's important to you. Dunno... that's just my point of view.
Damn, I went off subject there. Sorry.
Well, I had to write all this down, my ideas where nice and fresh and it would have been a waist if I slept on it and not have the ideas I had right now.
Thank you for your time. See you on Sunday.
(tried uploading an image, but it was taking way too much fucking long to upload and I just wanted to hit the sack already so... no image.)
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