Again. Well, it's been 3 months since the break up, 2 months where hell and this last month has been fantastic!. It's as if I was blind, zombie like for a whole year, I can't even remember good times with my friends from last year, really.
I guess break ups do have their benefits. I mean, I do miss being with him once in a while now, but then I realize that it was actually crap, I always felt like I had to be something more around this dude because when I would be my complete self he'd get pissed off or embarrassed... It's really sad. But do you know what is sadder, after thinking that you could make things better and going through so much sheit -sacrificing some things; friends, mostly- you realize who has really been your friend and who wasn't. I realized that my "best" friends that have been with me since 1st grade weren't actually there for me. After I told 'em about my break up they'd be like "yeah, we knew it would come sooner or later", say what, b!tch?! I was so pissed to even acknowledge that from my friends, they where even saying "...yeah, you know, maybe he was right breaking up with you, finally you'll get to spend time with us". A'right f*** bags, first off; I had taken the choice of not seeing them, why? because they always felt the need of always being with each other and not other people, and it's crap. Second off; I only got to see that f*** bag for only two days a week, and my "friends" for 5 days. Oh yeah, I see why it is so logic for them to think that.
That was 2 months ago. This month has been more than fantastic, how so? I'll tell you.
I actually have 2 best friends, one a girl and one a boy, and this has made me realize that you can only have best friends, true best friends only if you've ever exchanged a kiss, and by that not a cheek kiss, I mean a REAL kiss. A kiss isn't just a kiss, I'll say that much. Before I used to believe that "a kiss can just be a kiss", but now that I'm older and know how it has affected me I realize that that "kiss was just a kiss" turned into "a kiss means more than anything", it break's barriers in the world of bonding, a kiss is a permission or an invite to the other persons world, a glimpse of it. This first kiss was given to me my best friend, a girl.
My relationship with these two, completely different people, are far more better than any other relationship I have ever had as friends. I don't know what I would do with out these two people, so important and fundamental for my life, for this life I have.
The other person who's my best friend (male) has really turned out to be something else, nothing like when I had started dating him... It was puppy love, nothing more. But that was about 4 years ago or so, people can really change in that time.
It's weird, our relationship, I realize that, but it's a creative relationship, one moment you think if we where actually dating, or then we're just together to have a talk like civilized people, or to dance, or even do Parkour together in the most serious form of all, entirely focused on what we are trying to achieve and not thinking of making out with one another.
It's a very comfterable relationship, one without compromises, obligations, being completely yourself and nothing else. No need of feeling embarrassed of what you are or not. No strings attached.
I fairly admit that this past month has been the happiest of all; since maybe 6 to 8 months ago. Happy for straight 3 weeks... who gets to feel incredibly happy for 3 weeks straight?! I know! I'm booming, I'm blasting, I'm everything positive right now and I wouldn't be like this if it weren't for my two best pals.
Thank you so much. You two have lift me up again and made me realize that I can walk all on my own.
It's all a state of mind.
