Big Changes.

Well... thought I'd share a piece of information of what's going on with me, personally.

One day I just got so bored and aggravated by all the old clothes I still kept, including my bead spread and my curtains.

I threw out pretty close to 3 full garbage bags of clothes alone, though, I didn't throw them away "someones scouring's can be someones treasures", so, I gave them away, which made me very happy. All my clothes were in good conditions to keep on wearing. I threw away jeans, loads of tops that where so juvenile for me (high schoolish), skirts, shorts, pants, dresses, blouses, sweaters, jackets, socks, gloves, hats, scarfs, you name it, I did it.

I have never felt so light weighted, I didn't even think it was possible to feel even MORE light weighted, more likely. Getting rid of all those clothes made me feel like I let go a great deal of the past, something that simply isn't me anymore, I've changed a lot. I remember my mom saying to me when she was going through all the clothes I was getting rid of "Meg, you had so many dark colors, very... sad colors. I'm glad you're getting rid of them." and yeah, she's right, they really where sad colors, hidden. Now I'm going for light blues... mainly pastel colors now, I feel like that now, I'm happy, I'm light, I can breathe, I can think, I can feel... I even burnt what ever I could find that Alfonso had given me and... it felt great! I mean, I did it in a way that I had forgiven us both, and that I wasn't doing it because of hate at all, I was doing it thinking that he was part of my life for a very long time and simply because of that, he is a part of me and he will always be and I can never deny that; I just couldn't save any of it anymore, I need space for the real me, the one that I am finally sub coming to, something I knew I was waiting for but never really admitted it.

So, I guess what I am saying is this...

Don't change because someone has asked you to do it, do it because you want to, because you want to evolve, you want to be healthy. But if you're comfortable in your little dark hole with all your past, dreaming of a future that is mainly your past (again) then stay there, but know that when you feel like getting out of that dark hole I'll be around to send you some light because I'm always there to help. No one is left behind. We're in it together.

"Thinking of your future is like thinking of your past, you don't move from that spot. Live now and let the future be unexpected as it should be."

Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven